How do you deal with a loss? Especially someone who you love and admire. Chief Ricky Smith passed away yesterday. One of the men who has helped Scottie and I in our hardest times. How do you say goodbye to someone like that? I didn't think I would have much of a hard time with his passing since he's been sick for a while, but it's effecting me more and more. I drove past the fire house last night on my way home from work, and passed Ambulance 37 drapped with black fabric and just cried. Ambulance 37 was dedicated to Ricky last year. It will be out of service until the funeral i'm guessing.

I love you Underdog. Thank you for everything you have done for not only Scott and I, but for everyone in this community. You have touched so many lives and saved so many people. Rest sweet Ricky. Know that you're family is taken care of. We will always be there for Bettie and the kids. I'm going to miss you so much. <3

God Gave Me You

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
and I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
Gave me you

I know this is a love some between husband and wife, but everytime I hear this song I think of Ryleigh. This little girl just knows how to make everything better. On days like today, all I have to do is look at her beautiful little smile and I just can't wait to be home with her. I have never felt so much love towards anyone. I don't even think I can explain it. It's like when I look at her pictures at work I just ache to be home with her. I mean, physically ache.
I truley believe God tested me for so long just to reward me with the most amazing daughter I could have ever asked for. Even still, I could have the worst day I could have ever had and I just have to think about getting home and seeing her sweet smile. Ugh I just love it. <3

Tough day

Today is the day of anniversaries. 6 years ago today, my grandmother unexpectedly passed away. One year ago today my uncle (her son) passed away from complications of a heart transplant/kidney failure. Today is one of those days that you wish would just fall off the calendar. I don't even know what else to write about all of this. It's pretty much all just a jumble. I always pray that April 6th goes by faster than all the other days.


Georgie Porgie puddin' and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
Georgie Porgie ran away


:) My grandmother always said that. She had a cat named George (female cat I might add) so whenever she was talking to him, she would recite that rhyme. God I miss her. <3






My uncle's Goldwing. Well, not technacilly his, but same bike. When he passed, a few days later, we had a MAJOR storm system come through. We would joke that when we heard thunder, Uncle Ed was revving up his bike.
I love you. <3

Dorthy Joan Holland- 4/6/2005
Charles Edwin Holland- 4/6/2010
I miss you both more than anyone could imagine. <3

Casting Crowns - Praise you in this storm

Rolly-Pooly-Olly!

We have a roller. Well, we have for the past few weeks. :) She's hilarious. She get's so excited when she rolls over. I love it!

The Lord works in a strange way,
There ain't no doubt,
Man he's gonna make a man of me,
He's gonna straighten me out somehow.

I was twenty-seven years old that summer,
Just having my self a ball,
Working on a record deal,
Playing in the bars and concert halls, making money just to watch it burn, living day by day,
Stayed out late drinkin' way too much, didn't act my age,
But life turned on a dime when she said, you're going to be a daddy come wintertime.

The Lord works in a strange way,
There ain't no doubt,
Man he's gonna make a man of me,
He's gonna straighten me out somehow.
The lord works in a strange way,
And Heaven knows,
He's planning on a miracle,
Man I wonder how it's gonna go,
The lord works in a strange way,
Oh oh

Man I never saw the changes comin' they caught me unaware,
One day I was as wild as a bull the next I was a teddy bear,
Put down the bottle about a month before,
And I put down the cigarettes,
Started holding my wife a little tighter and sayin' the prayers I used' forget,
And now I look into those baby blue eyes and I find all the peace
I've been searching for yeah I finally realize

A year and 3 weeks ago, Scott and I were sitting in my parents living room. Scott started the conversation as "So, you know how the Lord works in mysterious ways...?"
Yeah, seriously?
My dad is the worship leader at my church. We have been involved in the church for umpteen years... Of course they know God works in crazy ways that you never expect.
That was one of them. We were telling them I was pregnant out of wedlock. FANTASTIC! We had been engaged 10 months by that point. Only 2 months until the wedding. My mom told me her first thought was "Umm, OK we can do this." Her second thought was "OMG! THE DRESS!"
I have to admit, I was scared telling my parents, but they have been my biggest supporters through my pregnancy and these past 5 amazing months!!

Back to the song. I got my iPhone a few weeks ago and wanted to add some music. I searched Corey Smith (amazing) and came across this song I haven't heard from him. So I previewed it and laughed until I almost fell out of the chair! I had Scott read the lyrics and listen to the song and I had him rolling. The most ironic thing about this song is not only the chorus, but also I told him I was pregnant in March due in October. And he was 27 years old. But he wasn't working on his record deal... :)

Love it! <3

Comatose

S found this song the other day and added it to our iTunes. I just came across it coming to work this morning, and fell in love with it. It's such a love song. That's the kind of love that I thrive for with God. I heard it and thought it was a "worldly" group and looked at my phone and immediately my thoughts changed. I got lost in the lyrics. Amazing.

 

 

 

I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to You
Tell me that You will listen
You're touch is what i'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing You
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I hate living without You
Dead wrong to ever doubt You
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore You
Oh how I thirst for You
Oh how I need You
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel You next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
Breathing life
Waking up
My eyes open up
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel You next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
Oh how I adore You
Waking up to You never felt so real
Oh how I thirst for You
Waking up to You never felt so real
Oh how I adore You
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real


Christian lyrics - COMATOSE LYRICS - SKILLET

Skillet - Comatose (Lyrics)

Playing with pictures

We've been taking a lot of pictures lately. I think it has to do a lot with reading some blogs about moms who have lost their children. I really shouldn't be reading them. I'm too much of a "what if" person. My imagination has too much of a mind of its own. I'll leave it at that.

This weekend was pretty great. Saturday was the kick off of softball season. While I'm excited about it, I'm not so excited that there are SO many games this year. 30 in the matter of 15 weeks, not including all the tournaments. So I'm guessing around 38 games. BUT, S is coaching this year. I'm soooo proud of him! I'm sure he'll do great!

Growing Up

Darlin, I don't think that's how you're supposed to sit in there... :)

Ry has been growing up so fast. She is such an amazing baby, I really couldn't ask for anything better! (I'm sure you are tired of hearing this!!)
She has found her voice. There really isn't any time NOT hearing her gabbing away! From the time her eyes open until the time I put her to bed she is either squealing, humming, cooing or laughing. To a mother, there's no better sound.
S and I found that if she is fussy, put on music or drum beats and she'll literally stop in her tracks. It really shouldn't surprise us. We both are CRAZY about music. I don't know what we would do without it!!
She's stuffy again. While I'm so thankful it's nothing more than being snotty, I'm so tired of the screaming when I'm sucking out the gunk. BUT her sleep has not been effected. I can honestly say she has been sleeping through the night since 5 1/2 weeks old except for 2 nights... :)

Here are some pictures of her the few minutes after she was born, at 2 1/2-3 months old and at 4 1/2 months old. She's getting so big! <3





::sniff::